I have been living in my current house for almost two years now and as is my norm, I have made a deliberate effort to mind the business that houses me. I have no idea who my neighbours are or what they look like and frankly speaking, I don’t particularly care. Although, rumor has it that they are involved in something untoward.

Anyway, it just so happens that my gateman, Friday, is a huge flight risk. One minute he is tending to the gate like he was employed to do, the next, he is nowhere to be found. I have begged him, fought with him, yelled at him but it seems like vanishing during the course of his business day is an integral part of his daily routine and, unbeknownst to me, a non-negotiable term of his employment.

I would propose to fire him but he is somewhat efficient and has a charming smile.

Some months ago, I got home from work and Friday was nowhere to be found as was his way. I honked several times to no avail. I was tired and frustrated and was thinking of what to do when my neighbour’s gateman came out to meet me with the most concerned expression ever.

He fiddled with the gate a bit to check if by some chance Friday didn’t close it properly (which turned out to be the case). He then open it for me and closed it behind me. I was very grateful and made sure to thank him for his assistance.

Over the next few weeks whenever I got home and Friday wasn’t there, immediately I honk once, he will rush out to help open it. This soon became our norm. Initially, I thought it was just him helping his colleague out but then one day, I got home and Friday wasn’t in. I honked a number of times but neither Friday nor the other guy came out.

I looked through my rear mirror and saw my neighbour’s gateman running from the end of the street at top speed towards me. Turns out that he was going out but ran back to help me out. To be honest, I was touched.

Lol! I mean, Friday would never!

The issue now is recently, I noticed a new pattern. Every time I set out to go to work in the morning, he comes out and watches me drive off.

No matter how early it is, once he hears Friday open the gate, he comes out, sits on the bench outside his gate and intensely watches me pull out of my driveway and drive off.

He does this so much so that I have become led to believe the reason he watches me longingly is that to him, I am the one who got away and who he cannot have.

Haters will say he is simply a creepy stalker. In any event, I think it’s time for me to move houses.

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